This my real name. What do?
Why not follow the fine example of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FboWtJiNYro? Just as you pronounce Hyacinth Bucket's surname "Bouquet", simply insist that your surname's correct pronunciation is "Masturbate".
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2023/9/just-as-featherstonehaugh-is-pronounced-fanshaw-wank-is-pronounced-