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If you don't know, "NSFW" means "Not Safe For Work". PG/R/X-rated content. Raunch! Basically, all the good stuff.} posts
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NSFW Shite Advice

A horrid rectal Rapunzel

Christina asks I just had to pull a long glob of my own 23” hair from out of my cats literal back end for like a whole minute because she likes to bite my hair when I’m sleeping and apparently she’s swallowing it too. Also I feel ...

You'll be SO MANLY you'll make TESTOSTERONE look GIRLY

Katrina asks My boyfriend says he looks at naked girls on Instagram because he used to be a tattoo artist and it’s just art for him. But that’s literally all he reacts to. What do? My reply Why not do what I do? First up, befriend ...

How to induce a deluge of ten thousand astronomers by teatime

Laura asks A week ago my neighbor went bonkers because we asked her if she would turn off her porch light for a moment so we could get a good picture of the northern lights. She went bananas saying we were trespassing on her lawn ...

Ever considered giving all eight billion schmucks the same email ...

Chelsea asks Hello friends! My wife’s ex refuses to change her address. I’ve written return to sender and not at this address on her mail for the last year and a half to no avail. My wife has asked her to change her address. She ...

On the paramount importance of synchronised MRI ADHD

Holly asks I have an MRI scan coming up, my rheumatologist said it will take about 45 minutes. I also have adhd and cannot stay still for the life of me, I move without realising sometimes, can't sleep cause my body twitches when I ...

The next big craze: DIY trepanning?

Stevie asks I've been drinking a reasonable amount of water everyday but still keep getting bad headaches at work everyday. What do My answer Headaches? Want to buy one of my DIY trepanning kits? For those not in the know, ...

Today's hottest new drug: diet-diet-diet-diet-crack and not actual snow

Ashley asks Current situation (and still accumulating). Its 10:40 at night, and Im supposed to work at 9am (will still be snowing.) What do? My answer Why not change occupations? Become one of those chic trendy fashionistas ...

No problem dropping comet-sized cookies on bitchy brides can't solve

Mandy asks I am a competitive baker (I enter into fairs and other contests). I experiment and try new recipes a lot and I give those cookies to my friends so they can give me their opinions. Anyways my problem. One of my best ...

Cure sunburn by taking all the steroids in the universe

Liz asks Help I'm sunburned and have to go in the sun again tomorrow. What can I do to avoid getting even more burned? My answer Why not do what I do? Simply take all the steroids in the universe, all at once, and become so ...

NSFW Shite Advice

Why Jabba the Hutt is a snazzier lover than you might think

Melanie asks How do I decline a date without hurting his feelings? Help. My answer Tell him this: "Oh for God's sake! Not again! You and I go through this every bloody Friday. We meet, we hit it off, we flirt, sparks fly, we ...

How to invoke Germanic royalty to out-skunk the entire universe ...

Max asks My dog got sprayed by a skunk and were supposed to fly across the country on Monday. What do? My answer You know the UK's King George I? He wasn't originally British at all, but came from Hanover, at that time an ...

Infected? Infect your infection right back

Shelly asks So I’m 4 days post-op for a laparoscopic hysterectomy. Friday I received the pathology report. If I’m interpreting the report correctly regarding the hydatid cyst of Morgagni correctly, I had cysts on my fallopian tubes ...

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Books You May Find Surprisingly Snazzy

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 2/6 ~~
The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 3/6 ~~
The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
~~ Part 4/6 ~~
The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.